Month: July 2025
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Volume 23- 5:31 PM. The humans begin their ritual. They call it “dinner.” I call it “The Hour of Loud Furniture and Sauce-Based Disasters.” I position myself precisely eleven inches from the table—close enough for surveillance, far enough to avoid spaghetti collateral. The toddler arrives first. Chunk, the tiny warlord. Cheeks smeared with cheese remnants…
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📹 Narrated in reverent tones by Sir AttenDadborough 🎬 The scene opens at precisely 1600 hours. The sun casts a warm glare across a suburban driveway. A government-issued vehicle hums to a stop, its exterior still dusted with sea spray and duty. Narrator:Here we witness the return of the North American Coast Guard Boat Dad—a…
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Someone — I won’t name names, but he’s three feet tall and fueled by pure chaos — has declared that the FLOOR IS LAVA. And not just a game. An emergency. It begins with one voice — shrill and urgent — declaring the living room a molten wasteland. Without warning, the transformation is complete: rug,…
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Volume 13: The Return of the Goblin — 4:03 PM. School is out. Peace is over. I hear him before I see him. Thundering through the foyer like a linebacker made of graham crackers and ambition. The three-year-old—Chunk—has returned. I brace. His backpack hits the floor. His shoes remain on. This concerns me. He calls…
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It was quiet. Too quiet. The kind of quiet that makes your spine whisper, “Something’s coming.” I should’ve known then. Should’ve clutched my coffee tighter. Hidden the markers. Braced for impact. But I didn’t. Because I was on the couch. Jack, my eldest—the smooth-talking negotiator with Target in his eyes—was curled up beside me, buttering me…
