Hi Internet. I’m James (3M), and I’ve recently made a tactical relocation from my assigned toddler bed to the master bedroom, which features a king-sized mattress, prime snack real estate, and a TV that plays cars smashing into other cars on YouTube. It’s basically paradise.

It started with me just wanting to watch “crashies” in peace. Then I brought a juice box. Then my dinner. Then my entire fleet of toy vehicles. Now I live here. I’ve got a pillow fort, a designated juice zone, and a nightly dinner tray setup. I call it “The Big Bed.” My parents call it “a problem.”

They keep saying things like “James, this is our room” and “You have your own bed,” but let’s be honest—my bed is small, lonely, and doesn’t have a TV that shows monster trucks flipping over in slow motion. The master bedroom has ambiance. It has vibes. It has me.

My brother Jack (6M) says I’m being “extra,” but he’s just mad I won’t let him in unless he pays the toll (two gummy bears and a Hot Wheels). My parents are trying to reclaim the space, but I’ve already established sovereignty. I even offered them a corner of the bed if they stop complaining and bring me more juice.

So, AITA for refusing to leave the master bedroom and treating it like my personal studio apartment?

EDIT: Pookie the cat sleeps here too. She’s my emotional support animal and co-ruler.