AITA for Giving Mom Every Known Virus and Maybe Inventing a Few?
By James, Age 3 (Floor Licker, Germ Ambassador, Amateur Virologist)

Hi. It’s me. James. Three years old. I bring joy, snacks, and contagion.

Lately, people have been saying “I think Mommy needs a break” which is wild because I broke her last Tuesday. Not emotionally (she’s strong). I mean microbiologically.

She caught… something.
Possibly several things.

Let’s review the facts.

• I licked the floor at Target. Not just once. Twice. For texture comparison.
• I coughed directly into her mouth during storytime. She said “Please don’t,” but I needed the echo feedback.
• I kissed the dog’s nose, the window screen, and a single grape that was questionable at best.
• I picked up three worms outside. Named them. Snuggled them. Might’ve kissed one. It was moist.

Then—I sneezed on her coffee.
She drank it anyway. Because parenting is bold.

Later, when her throat hurt and her soul said “Why am I vibrating?”, she looked at me and whispered, “You did this.”
I looked back with innocent sticky cheeks and said, “I love you.”
She didn’t cry, but her eye twitched.

So… AITA?

For:

• Treating the world like a petri dish?
• Sharing my immune system development aggressively?
• Sneezing with intent?
• Infecting her while demanding snacks and emotional support?

Or am I simply a passionate young scientist conducting real-time exposure therapy?

She now drinks tea and mumbles about elderberries while googling if toddlers can be powered down for updates.

But I feel fine.

I licked the fridge yesterday. Just to be sure.