I didn’t know what “Bad Decision Saturday” was until Mom whispered it like a spell in the car. She said it used to mean something about college and questionable choices, but now it means Milano cookies and chaos. I don’t know who Milano is, but his cookies slap.

We entered the grocery store like warriors entering a snack coliseum. I was in charge. James was in the cart, squishy toy already in hand, looking like a tiny emperor. I had one mission: acquire sugar-based joy and possibly a second squishy. Mom said “one each,” but I said “we’ll see.”

First stop: Scooby Snack crackers. I told Mom they were “for James,” but we both knew they were for me. I tossed them in the cart like a pro athlete. Then came the Milano cookies—fancy, mysterious, probably made by elves. I stared at them with reverence. Mom said, “You’ve never had those.” I said, “I’ve never had a lot of things, but I’m ready.”

Then came the Reese’s Ice Ice Cream. It was on the top shelf. I reached. My arm stretched like a noodle in a cartoon. I leaned. I grunted. I whispered, “I want it.” Mom grabbed it before I fell into the freezer abyss. She said, “Sometimes you gotta lean in for the popsicles.” I nodded like I understood life now.

We got popsicles too. I chose the ones with neon colors that look like they could power a spaceship. James picked at his squishy toy—a blue blob with eyes. I picked a green one that looks like it knows secrets. We named them Squish and Squash and declared them our snack guardians.

Meanwhile, Dad—blissfully unaware of the snack coup—texted, “What’s happening?” Mom responded with a photo of me hoisting a bag of Milanos like I’d just won the Hunger Games. Legend says he shed a single tear… half pride, half fear.

At checkout, I told the cashier, “We’re making bad decisions.” She said, “You’re doing great.” I winked. James threw a Scooby Snack at her. We left legends.

Tonight, I joined the club. Not the college one with regrets and ramen noodles. The new club. The one where bad decisions taste like chocolate and come with squishy toys. I leaned in. I reached high. I conquered the snackverse.

Jack out. 🫡