Month: November 2025
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It started with Mom yelling, “ITTTT’SSSS TIIIIIMMMMEEEE!” like she was about to enter a wrestling ring, but instead of body slams, she was hauling up bins of glitter and tangled lights from the basement. Dad sighed. The kind of sigh that sounds like it’s been waiting all year. “Already?” he said. “It’s not even Thanksgiving.”…
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James here. Look. I saw the couch. I saw the ottoman. I saw the narrow crevice between them and thought: Yes. That’s my throne. I perched.Feet up like royalty.Butt suspended in the crack like a toddler trapeze act.Elbows locked on the couch cushions like I’m bracing for impact — or delivering a TED Talk on…
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Operation: Apple Heist was a go.Jack Jack left his Pop-Tart unattended — a rookie move in this snack jungle. I struck fast, like a sugar-fueled raccoon with nothing to lose. I snatched the Apple Jacks Pop-Tart and booked it to the living room, feet slapping the floor like a toddler drumline. I launched myself onto…
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I counted it. I definitely counted it.Three Reese’s. Four Kit Kats. One full-size Snickers that I got from the dentist’s house (ironic).A mountain of Smarties. A suspicious number of Tootsie Rolls.And the crown jewel: one blue raspberry Airhead, folded like treasure. I put it in the pumpkin bag. I put the bag in my closet.…
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….even though he asked “nicely” while leaking apple juice and moral superiority? I (7M) was deep in a Minecraft build—like, diamond pickaxe level focus—when James (3M), aka The Toddler With No Chill, approached. He was wearing his “I’m about to ruin your vibe” face and clutching a half-deflated juice box like it was a detonator.…
