Featuring Tequila (Right), Little Tequila (Left), and One Very Overworked Toddler King

James climbed onto the bed with the gravitas of a man about to deliver a State of the Union address.

He surveyed his plush council.

He inhaled deeply.

He exhaled like a disappointed CEO.

James:

“Ladies… gentlemen… stuffed citizens… we have a crisis.”

Tequila stared ahead, stoic.

Little Tequila leaned slightly to the left, which James interpreted as attitude.

James:

“First of all, I would like to address the rumors.

Yes, I DID see someone chewing on my sock.

Yes, I DO know who it was.”

He pointed dramatically at Little Tequila.

James:

“You.

Don’t look away.

We all saw it.”

Little Tequila remained motionless, which only fueled James’s righteous fury.

James:

“Second order of business: the Great Snack Famine of This Afternoon.

I asked for goldfish.

I received… nothing.”

He threw his hands up to the heavens.

James:

“NOTHING!

Do you understand what that does to a man?”

Tequila blinked (in James’s imagination).

James:

“Exactly. Thank you, Tequila, for your support in these dark times.”

He paced, tiny feet stomping with the intensity of a general preparing for war.

James:

“Third: bedtime snuggles.

Attendance has been… inconsistent.”

He glared at both dogs.

James:

“I will not name names.

But one of you — Little Tequila — fell off the bed last night and did not return to your post.”

He paused for dramatic effect.

James:

“This is a monarchy, not a vacation.”

He climbed onto a pillow throne, raised his hand, and declared:

James:

“Henceforth, I decree:

– Snacks shall be plentiful.

– Snuggles shall be mandatory.

– And no stuffed citizen shall chew socks without written permission from the crown.”

He softened, just a little.

James:

“And finally… thank you.

For being here.

For listening.

For not talking back.

For being the best Tequilas a king could ask for.”

He placed a hand on each plush head.

James:

“Court is adjourned.

Let us feast.

Except Little Tequila.

You’re still on thin ice.”