By James “I Heard Water and I Must Enter” Chunkerson, Age 3, Defender of Bathroom Companionship

Let me explain something.
She walked into the bathroom.
Alone. Bold choice.

She said, “I’ll be right back, just taking a quick shower.”
I said, “Interesting. So you’re attempting emotional abandonment now?”
She closed the door. LOCKED IT.
I stood outside with my blankie, snacks, and righteous fury.

For what felt like 47 years (probably three minutes), I knocked.
I yelled, “MOM?! HELLO?”
No response. Just betrayal and the faint sound of shampoo slapping against dignity.

So I did what any reasonable toddler would do.
I shoved my fingers under the door like a claw machine seeking justice.
I whispered dramatic lines like:

“Why would you leave me?”
“Are you pooping?”
“Mommy, the air smells weird and I’m scared.”

Eventually the door opened.
She looked shocked.
I looked powerful.

I barged in, set up my bath toys in the shower like it was my personal waterpark. She tried to reason. I splashed her knees in protest.
She washed her hair while I narrated every second like a slightly frantic cruise director.

AITA?

Let’s assess:
🚪 Did I violate boundaries? Probably.
🛁 Did I make her shower 200% less relaxing? Absolutely.
👦 Was I motivated by love, fear, and an inability to regulate time without adult supervision? Obviously.

Verdict: Not the A-hole.
Just a tiny human who believes showers should be co-op mode.
If you wanted privacy, Mom, you should’ve joined witness protection—not motherhood.