Category: Christmas
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By Jack Okay, so here’s what happened. It was Christmas morning and we were already, like, twelve presents deep. Wrapping paper everywhere. Mom looked like she was running a marathon in the living room. James was yelling about something that sounded like “BLOCKS! BLOCKS! BLOCKS!” because Santa gave him more magnetic tiles. Which was awesome……
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I am very busy. Like, important‑meeting‑with‑the‑CEO busy. My trucks — all of them, every vehicle I own, from the loud ones to the fast ones to the ones that just look cool when you squint — are being lined up across the kitchen floor and into the playroom. This is not chaos. This is strategy.…
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Grandpa and I were standing in front of the Christmas tree, looking like we were about to film a holiday commercial for “Chaos & Sons.” The lights were twinkling, the presents were stacked like a small mountain range, and Grandpa had that look — the one where he’s pretending he’s in charge. He leaned down…
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Listen. I know what they say about me. “Elfie’s been real B‑A‑D this year.”“Elfie’s out of control.”“Elfie needs to calm down before Santa puts him on a performance improvement plan.” And to that I say: Correct. Because I, Elfie J. McSparkle, am not here to sit politely on a shelf like some kind of decorative…
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It began innocently. A wreath here. A scented pinecone basket there. A twinkle light or twelve strung across the stairwell “just for ambiance.” But slowly, the transformation took hold. My Pinterest board bloated like a snowman on a salt shaker. I stopped saying “no” to glitter-based projects. I found myself whispering to rolls of ribbon…
