Category: General
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By James “I Heard Water and I Must Enter” Chunkerson, Age 3, Defender of Bathroom Companionship Let me explain something.She walked into the bathroom.Alone. Bold choice. She said, “I’ll be right back, just taking a quick shower.”I said, “Interesting. So you’re attempting emotional abandonment now?”She closed the door. LOCKED IT.I stood outside with my blankie,…
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Listen. I know what they say about me. “Elfie’s been real B‑A‑D this year.”“Elfie’s out of control.”“Elfie needs to calm down before Santa puts him on a performance improvement plan.” And to that I say: Correct. Because I, Elfie J. McSparkle, am not here to sit politely on a shelf like some kind of decorative…
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🍼 by James, Age: Just Baby Enough to Get Away With Everything The sun set. Rules dissolved. And I arrived. Mimi answered the door like a goddess in slippers. I made eye contact. She gasped—correctly—at my cuteness. Within moments, I was in her arms, the scent of lavender and rebellion wrapping around me. Dinner? Optional.Bedtime?…
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(James’ POV, age: three, drama level: Code Red) Look. I’m not trying to start beef with Mom. I’m not even trying to be rude. I’m just… setting boundaries. You know, toddler-style—with flair. We were having a good day. I was stacking trucks, yelling at clouds, living my best life. Then Mom tried to kiss me—on…
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🎬 by a woman held hostage by children, chaos, and algorithmic indecision It begins as all evenings do: with my body slumped sideways, buried under tiny elbows, Goldfish crumbs, and whatever emotional residue James left behind after sobbing because his bath water wasn’t “spicy enough.” I’ve been poked, pulled, climbed, and cried on.Every surface of…
