Category: James
-
By James “I Heard Water and I Must Enter” Chunkerson, Age 3, Defender of Bathroom Companionship Let me explain something.She walked into the bathroom.Alone. Bold choice. She said, “I’ll be right back, just taking a quick shower.”I said, “Interesting. So you’re attempting emotional abandonment now?”She closed the door. LOCKED IT.I stood outside with my blankie,…
-
Listen. I know what they say about me. “Elfie’s been real B‑A‑D this year.”“Elfie’s out of control.”“Elfie needs to calm down before Santa puts him on a performance improvement plan.” And to that I say: Correct. Because I, Elfie J. McSparkle, am not here to sit politely on a shelf like some kind of decorative…
-
🍼 by James, Age: Just Baby Enough to Get Away With Everything The sun set. Rules dissolved. And I arrived. Mimi answered the door like a goddess in slippers. I made eye contact. She gasped—correctly—at my cuteness. Within moments, I was in her arms, the scent of lavender and rebellion wrapping around me. Dinner? Optional.Bedtime?…
-
(James’ POV, age: three, drama level: Code Red) Look. I’m not trying to start beef with Mom. I’m not even trying to be rude. I’m just… setting boundaries. You know, toddler-style—with flair. We were having a good day. I was stacking trucks, yelling at clouds, living my best life. Then Mom tried to kiss me—on…
-
By James. Age three. Big feelings. Big splashes. Okay. So. Today was Important. Grave Digger told me so. He said, “Hey James. Do you want to drive into Splash Volcano?” And I said “YES,” and then Pushed the Stool. It made a scratchy sound like dragons walking. Good. That meant it was time. I climbed.…
