Category: Life
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Operation: Apple Heist was a go.Jack Jack left his Pop-Tart unattended — a rookie move in this snack jungle. I struck fast, like a sugar-fueled raccoon with nothing to lose. I snatched the Apple Jacks Pop-Tart and booked it to the living room, feet slapping the floor like a toddler drumline. I launched myself onto…
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I counted it. I definitely counted it.Three Reese’s. Four Kit Kats. One full-size Snickers that I got from the dentist’s house (ironic).A mountain of Smarties. A suspicious number of Tootsie Rolls.And the crown jewel: one blue raspberry Airhead, folded like treasure. I put it in the pumpkin bag. I put the bag in my closet.…
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….even though he asked “nicely” while leaking apple juice and moral superiority? I (7M) was deep in a Minecraft build—like, diamond pickaxe level focus—when James (3M), aka The Toddler With No Chill, approached. He was wearing his “I’m about to ruin your vibe” face and clutching a half-deflated juice box like it was a detonator.…
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My fellow Millennials,We gather here today—not in peace, but in powdered sugar and confusion.Because we are no longer just raising children.We are raising our parents. They have entered their Sixty-nager Era—a phase no parenting book warned us about.They are sixty-year-olds with retirement accounts, zero curfews, and the chaotic energy of a teenager who just discovered…
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I am not available for questions. I am not available for negotiations. I am busy. My hand is the canvas. My hand is the muse. My hand is the moment. I have outlined it in red, in green, in something called “midnight blueberry.” I am halfway through “electric tangerine” when dad appears with a spoon.…
