Category: Motherhood
-
Posted by u/SirChunkTheUnyielding (3 y.o.) So I (M3) was having a perfectly reasonable storytime moment. Mom—known in these parts as “The Narrator Lady with Snacks”—was reading “Goodnight Moon” for the 647th time because frankly, the moon deserves that kind of attention. We were on the couch. Snuggled. Calm. Normal. UNTIL—I remembered I have elbows. Powerful,…
-
It is I, Ashley. Wife of Dan. Bearer of children. Maker of soups. Writer of chaos. And today… victim of circumstance. For today, I was forced — forced — to do the unthinkable. I had to pump. My own. Gas. I had been all over town, gallivanting, boondoggling, minding my business, living my life as…
-
It is 3 o’clock in the morning. I should be dreaming about sunbeams and unsupervised cereal bowls. Instead, I am being used as a living anxiety blanket by the sole female human—a fragile creature who apparently can’t regulate her emotions without squishing my ribcage like it owes her rent. She was whimpering under the covers…
-
Narrated by Sir Crumbleberry, Guardian of Parental Dignity Scene: Late afternoon. A suburban park. The sun begins its slow descent. The winds whisper of bedtime approaching. But for the wild creatures visiting the park today, the battle has only just begun. We observe: two cubs—Jack, aged seven and equipped with logic and defiance; and James,…
-
Hi. I’m James. I’m three. I live a complex life fraught with betrayal, lies, and vegetables. And now I find myself asking: AITA? Ever since I gained full custody of my snack drawer (thanks to a successful plea deal involving a tantrum and public flailing), I’ve committed to a nutritional lifestyle of juice boxes and…
