Category: writing
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Well hey there, sugar.It’s me, Miss Tootsie Mae — the woman your HR department prays you never quote directly. I’ve lived long enough to know two things: men will lie about the weather, and workplaces will lie about “team alignment.” I’ve survived office politics, church politics, and three husbands who all thought “taking out the…
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The Perfect Thrones for Judging the Humansby Her Majesty Pookie, Calico Monarch of Moral Superiority and Soft Surfaces Not all seating is created equal.Some thrones offer softness but lack altitude.Others offer elevation but expose one to toddler chaos and Pop-Tart shrapnel.To judge the humans properly, one must choose location, texture, and symbolism with grace and…
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Featuring Tequila (Right), Little Tequila (Left), and One Very Overworked Toddler King James climbed onto the bed with the gravitas of a man about to deliver a State of the Union address. He surveyed his plush council. He inhaled deeply. He exhaled like a disappointed CEO. James: “Ladies… gentlemen… stuffed citizens… we have a crisis.”…
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It was supposed to be a peaceful evening. I was sprawled across the ottoman like a Roman emperor in sweatpants, ruling my kingdom of blanket, Cheez-It crackers within reach, and the glowing screen of Floor Is Lava blasting at full volume. The contestants screamed, the lava bubbled, and I was content. But then—something shifted. The…
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—James, Age 3, Discoverer of Forbidden Textures He says it like he’s returning from a quest.Like he crossed the Great Carpet Plains, braved the Perils of the Playroom, and bartered with a mysterious merchant named “Target.” He stands before you, palms shimmering with cosmic goo, eyes wide with the knowledge that life will never be…
