Category: writing
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In the land of TJMaxx, where deals are divine and markdowns are sacred, a rare sticker appeared: $9.99—not on a clearance shelf, but on the belly of a boy named James. Age: 3. Value: incalculable. Sticker: non-negotiable. James is not a child. He is a limited-edition, high-demand, ultra-premium toddler overlord, and the sticker is merely…
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Chapter 7: The Mouse Incident and Other Workplace Failures I, Pookie Whiskerstein III, am the Chief Executive Napper of this household. My office? Ashley’s desk. My mission? To oversee productivity, enforce lap availability, and ensure that all workplace snacks are shared equitably (read: with me). Today’s fiasco began when I attempted to conduct a routine…
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Hi Internet. I’m James (3M), and I’ve recently made a tactical relocation from my assigned toddler bed to the master bedroom, which features a king-sized mattress, prime snack real estate, and a TV that plays cars smashing into other cars on YouTube. It’s basically paradise. It started with me just wanting to watch “crashies” in…
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A Dad’s POV, Now with Extra Delusion and Chlorine Dan tightened his cleats like he was suiting up for war.Black under-eye stripes. Helmet gleaming.He looked like a man preparing for battle—or possibly a very intense adult rec league game where the average age was 42 and the post-game snack was orange slices and ibuprofen. Beside…
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Hi. I’m Pookie. I’m a cat. I live in a house with several humans, including one small, loud, emotionally unstable one named James. He builds things. He cries a lot. He smells like Cheetos and sticky fingers. Today, James was constructing what he called “the longest car track in the world.” It involved magnetic blocks,…
